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There is a dark side to success: sometimes, what we have done can begin to fade in comparison to someone else’s achievements. On the outside, it is easy to show that we are happy for them, proud even, but it is not always easy to escape the small green emotion that quietly spreads within us: Why them, and not me? Jealousy is a slow and sudden emotion that catches us off guard in these circumstances.

Jealousy is often described as one of the “not-so-good” emotions. "Don’t be jealous. Think of all the things you have and be grateful for them", we are told. But if it is such a bad emotion, why do we feel it so instinctively, and so often?

Perhaps that means jealousy itself might not be the problem. Perhaps it is simply human to be jealous. As long as we do not act on it in ways that harm us or others, and instead try to understand where it is coming from, it can be a safe way to cope, healthy even.

But how does one take an emotion that we have been taught to hide in shame for so long and turn it into a point of self-improvement and new perspectives?

In her book The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron writes that jealousy is an emotion that often points us toward our deepest desires. She says,

“Jealousy is a map. Jealousy is always a mask for fear: fear that we aren’t able to get what we want; frustration that somebody else seems to be getting what is rightfully ours, even if we are too frightened to reach for it."

This may be one of the best ways to process and deal with jealousy. Perceived this way, jealousy might not be the ‘ugly green monster’ it usually is, but something useful to understand. What the author means to express here is that jealousy is not a very generous feeling, but if examined closely, maybe you can track your way through to the underlying desire or even an insecurity. 

For example, if it seems like you're still a long way from where you want to be, the jealousy might be a marker that there's still something inside you worth fighting for and pursuing.

Instead of trying to get rid of this "ugly feeling," maybe we should pause and think about it. Why do we still feel like we're not doing enough, even though we know that someone else's success doesn't take away from our own progress? 

Human emotions exist because we are human. Jealousy is simply one of them.

So instead of judging ourselves for feeling it, maybe we can accept it, understand it, and use it to improve ourselves. The feelings we fight the hardest are often the ones that can teach us the most.