Unlock Life’s Answers
Through Deeper
Questions

You reach a certain age, or you’ve been in a relationship for a while, and the “Big Question” starts following you around like a shadow. If you are sitting with this question right now, you’ve probably noticed that everyone around you has an opinion, and most of them are loud. But for most of us, it isn’t that black and white. It is an internal dialogue that is quiet, complex and mostly exhausting. 

We often hear that children are our legacy and the way our family name lives on. Seeing your mom’s eyes or your grandfather’s temper reflected in a tiny, new face is a powerful thing. But choosing a “child-free life” doesn’t mean that you don’t leave a legacy behind. You can leave a legacy through your work, the people you mentor, or the kindness you show in your community. A life isn’t “incomplete” without a biological successor; it just has a different shape.

Then there is the practical stuff that we don’t talk about at brunch. We are more mobile than ever, which means we’re often living far from our families. They say, “It takes a village to raise a kid.” But now, that “village” has been replaced by expensive childcare, parenting books, and late-night Google searches. When you are weighing the decision to have kids, you’re often weighing your own capacity. It is important to ask yourself the following questions - 

• Do you have the bandwidth to nurture a child?

• Do you have a solid support system that you can rely on?

• Do you have the financial standing to give your child the care it deserves?

Remember: It’s actually brave to be that realistic. 

It is also impossible to ignore the world outside. When you look at climate change, the socio-political standing of the world or the economy, you are compelled to wonder if it is fair to bring someone new into the mix. While your child will be well protected inside the bubble you have created for them, you have to be mentally prepared to equip them with the tools to face the dangers awaiting them the moment they step outside the door. But some see a child as a beacon of hope who might contribute to the solution or simply experience the beauty that still exists.

The most frustrating (and maybe liberating) part of this discourse is that there is no definite answer. Whether you decide to go for it or decide to be a DINK couple, both choices require a certain amount of grief for the path not taken. At the end of the day, it is about looking at your life and asking which set of challenges and joys you’re more willing to embrace.

There is no right way to be a human, and there is no single way to lead a meaningful life. Whatever you land on, it is your story to write.