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Setting boundaries and not overextending ourselves—we read about it, hear about it, and talk about it a lot. In fact, this might as well be the era in which setting boundaries to heal has been spoken about as widely and as often. Imagine your friend tells you that their boss has been overburdening them with tasks beyond their scope—“Tell them it’s not in your job description. Put your foot down and set boundaries at the workplace, babe," we are quick to shell out the advice. But we don’t always realize that setting boundaries, while completely necessary, is not as easily done as it is to offer as advice.

Before we delve into how we can set boundaries in a better way, let's start at the beginning—what does setting boundaries even mean? Is it merely the ability to say no? Is it having hard limits on what you will and will not do? In a sense, yes, it is.

Setting a boundary means drawing lines that should not be blurred when it comes to your privacy, values, and capabilities. Which is to say, if you find yourself in a social situation that makes you uncomfortable because it doesn’t align with your ideals, excusing yourself and communicating that you wouldn’t like to be involved—without disrespecting the others involved—is an example of setting a healthy boundary.

More often than not, in these situations, because of our discomfort or frustration, emotions run high. We tend to let them lead our words and actions instead of taking a moment to pause and allow for a little logic. As a result, healthy boundaries may come across as hard limits, and sometimes even as rudeness.

On the other end of the spectrum, there is overcompensating. You might be someone who tends to people-please or feels anxious about how your decisions might affect your relationships. In such cases, if you say no once, you may find yourself taking on more in other areas just to make up for that one boundary you set.

Neither of these approaches truly leads to healthy boundaries. But we live, and we learn. Being placed in such situations helps us understand ourselves better. And if we are able to take a moment and handle our emotions with a little more patience and rationale, we begin to see why it might be necessary to set boundaries in the first place.

See, every situation is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. With our friends, our families, and our workplaces, setting boundaries begins with self-reflection and healthy communication. When approached this way, it creates space for more harmonious and supportive relationships. It also helps us understand who we are and grow into that person with grace, kindness, and confidence.

It is important to remember that kindness is key—towards yourself and towards others. With it, even the most difficult boundaries can be set gently, yet firmly.